Show vs. Tell Takes a Coffee Break

Today, a mundane yet mildly befuddling, real-life encounter in the coffee aisle of my grocery store that became a handy study in characterization and show versus tell.

The encounter

My favorite brand of prepackaged whole bean coffee was sold out. A man and his wife were perusing the shelves, too. The man disclosed to me, for some reason known only to him in that moment, his preference for pour-over. I said, “Yep, me, too.” He followed with, “That’s the best. And you know—it’s just a quick pour, then 30 seconds, then pour the rest. Swirl it as you pour.” I smiled and nodded. His wife was inching away. I ultimately found what I wanted on the bulk shelves.

But it didn’t end there. Oh, no.

He went on (and on), never knowing that he would soon become a touchstone for “the man who cannot stop himself from explaining things to a woman who never asked and does not care.”

Sometimes tell and sometimes show

Telling and showing are both perfectly valid devices, depending on a scene’s function in the story. Below, I’ll offer examples of each.

Telling might present it like this:

Arthur loved to mansplain. His favorite target was unsuspecting women in the coffee aisle of the local Wawa. And he was generous with his wisdom. Pour-over was best. The timing was key, not to mention the beans. Oily beans meant a stronger brew; anything flavored was an abomination. He was surprised how many women didn’t know that.

He never noticed, though, how his wife would inch away the longer he spoke; nor how the recipients of his wisdom would simply smile and nod and proceed with the choice they’d already made. Was it the volume of caffeine in the atmosphere that clouded his self-awareness in these moments, or was it something at a genetic level? Impossible to say.

Now, here’s how showing might handle the same encounter:

Kelsey ducked into the coffee aisle and frowned. Her favorite was sold out.

“Can’t find your favorite?”

A man stood nearby, a woman at his side. Her eyes bounced off Kelsey and then back to the shelves.

“Yeah, guess they’re sold out.”

“Well, how do you usually brew it? I prefer pour-over, myself.”

Kelsey nodded. “Same.”

“Ah, that’s the stuff. And you know, it’s best when you do that initial pour over the grounds…let it sit for 30 seconds, then pour the rest. But you have to swirl it while you pour; can’t just dump it all at once on the same spot.”

The wife was now inching away, towards the tea. Perhaps contemplating more than just her hot beverage choices.

“Yep,” Kelsey said, eyes scanning the shelves for an alternative. There it was, Madalyn’s Backyard Pecan, in the bulk section. She pulled a bag from the stack and placed it under the extruder. Tugged the lever to release the beans.

“Oh…flavored, huh?” He pointed to a nearby tube. “See the oil residue? That’s how you know it’s a stronger bean. More flavorful, without the added flavor. Better for pour-over, and just in general.”

Let your context be your guide

Both examples offer distinct insights into characters. The writing in each is defensible prose.

So, how to choose which approach for your story? It depends.

• On who’s narrating: Arthur? Kelsey? Arthur’s wife? A grocery store employee who has a secret crush on Kelsey?

• On whom the story’s about: (rinse and repeat list above)

• On when the scene occurs in the story and what is going on around it

In short, it depends on who and/or what you want the reader to be looking at when this scene takes place. A few considerations for you….

Telling Example

Narrator: This sounds like it’s coming from someone who knows and doesn’t particularly care for Arthur. Someone perhaps building a case for why the reader should share that view.

Subject: In isolation, this story is about Arthur.

Timing: It’s not linked to a specific moment in the story but is instead offered as background about Arthur. We presume we will need this information at some point, but we don’t know when it will be.

This approach could serve as an effective hook. Will Arthur have a redemption arc?

Showing Example

Narrator: It feels like it’s right up against Kelsey’s skin, even though it’s written in the third person. And, she’s the only character given a name.

Subject: We lean towards Kelsey as the subject, again because she is the only character who’s named.

Timing: This happens in the present moment, whatever that moment is. And we’ll carry the feeling of this moment forward because we lived it right alongside the characters who experienced it.

This approach could offer a compelling insight into how Kelsey moves through the world. Does she protect herself from everyone, or just from intrusive coffee savants?

Editor’s Advice

Look at who’s talking, who they’re talking about, when they’re saying it—and what you want the reader to carry forward from the scene.